Strong Signal (Cyberlove #1) Read online

  Shawn shrugged. “My mom broke up with him after what he said to Kai.”

  “Well, if he comes around and opens his fucking mouth again I can guarantee I’ll rip his dick off and shove it up his ass.”

  “Whoa,” I said. “First of all, that’s creative. Second of all, I don’t need you arrested for…whatever you’d get arrested for if you did that. Strangely Appropriate Assault?”

  The serial killer expression faded, and Garrett’s mouth twitched into a slight smile. “You’re the only person who can un-piss me off that fast.”

  I huffed. “Well I guess I like making you laugh, even when you’re laughing at me.”

  Still smiling, Garrett drew me in for a kiss. It wasn’t a brief kiss either. Our teeth clacked and our noses mashed. A cleared throat reminded me that we had company.

  “Not in front of the children,” I said, pointing at Shawn’s downcast face and awkward expression.

  Shawn’s head shot up from his close study of the floor. “Hey, I’m not a—”

  “A kid, yeah, we heard you,” Garrett said. “Anyway, back to this Travis motherfucker. You’re sure he won’t come around anymore?”

  “Travis is harmless. He only said that shit because he didn’t think there’d be consequences. But with you were here? Different story.” Shawn looked slightly intrigued by the idea of Travis being stomped to dust.

  The unease in Garrett’s expression was contagious. “Sure, I’m here now, but I can’t be forever. Especially if I end up moving further away from Philly.”

  The words were a shot through the warm bubble we’d existed in for the past couple of weeks. I turned away and busied myself with repositioning the coffeemaker, the toaster, anything that kept my hands occupied so no one saw them shake. So Garrett didn’t catch onto how the thought of him leaving for the long term cut me to the core.

  “Well…” Shawn trailed off, sounding hesitant. “It will be fine, Army Dude. Kai has been alone here for years, and Travis has no reason to show up now that my mom is done with him.”

  “Right,” Garrett said, as always thinking of the worst possible scenarios in any situation. It was like he got through life by planning for the worst. “But if they just broke up, there’s a chance he’ll try to come crawling back. And it will probably be after I’m employed and barely able to drive all the way out here.”

  They were talking about me as if I was a child. I wasn’t fucking helpless. I was a businessman, a goddamn entrepreneur, and I could take care of myself.

  “You realize taking him out of this apartment for any extended period of time is going to be the literal worst.”

  A crashing sound startled them into silence, and it took a moment for me to realize I’d dropped a plate. Marinara sauce from dinner was splattered all over the floor, my feet, and the cabinets. Shards of ceramic lay on the tile.

  “Shit.”

  I bent down to pick up the pieces but in the next minute, Garrett was tugging me away from the mess.

  “Hey!” I protested. “I was cleaning up.”

  “You’ll cut your feet.”

  “But—”

  “I’ll clean it,” Shawn piped up.

  I yanked away from Garrett. “I don’t need anyone to clean up after me!”

  Garrett instantly released me. “Kai, calm do—”

  “You don’t have to talk about me like I’m not in the room.” Garrett backed off so I straightened my spine with as much dignity as I could. I probably looked ridiculous squaring off against Garrett, who stood with his hands on his hips, all baffled. Fucker. “You just assumed I’d want you to be here 24/7 for some sort of protection, and Shawn just assumed I’d stay here because I’m not capable. No one asked me shit.”

  Frustration shadowed Garrett’s face, and it was the first time his dark scowl and furrowed brow were directed at me. “Well then what do you want to do, Kai? You said it yourself that your reaction to this Travis guy was fucking awful. Can you blame me for being worried?”

  I didn’t have an answer for that.

  “And I didn’t assume you wanted me to protect you. I was just throwing it out there that if something happened, I wouldn’t be around all the time.”

  Again, I had no response so I stood there and seethed.

  The frustration seemed to build until Garrett’s voice began to rise. “Why are you so pissed off? It’s a reality that I’ll have to leave at some point. And…look, it’s a reality that I might have to work further away from Philly. I have to figure out what I’m going to fucking do now that I’m not in the Army.”

  “I never said you didn’t—”

  “There’s not a lot of options for me despite the fairy tale the military propaganda feeds us when we first enlist. If getting a solid job means not being in this immediate area, I can’t be choosey.”

  “So, you assumed I’d flip out about you having a longer commute? I was fully capable of functioning before we met, you know.”

  Garrett combed his hands through his hair. “I didn’t say that, did I? I’m just saying I can’t stick my head in the sand like you’ve been doing for the past few years. I have responsibilities out there.” Garrett jerked a thumb at the front door. “Trust me, here with you, with no other responsibilities but fucking like rabbits has been the happiest I’ve ever been, but I can’t pretend this is a long-term situation. Reality is gonna come knocking any day now. I can’t avoid it.”

  “Well, maybe avoiding it is the way I deal,” I snapped.

  Garrett flinched and moved his lips silently. I swore he was counting to ten, which was probably a good thing because we were both shouting to be heard and not listening.

  “Fuck.” I pressed the hells of my hands against my face. “Shit. I hate fighting.”

  In two strides, Garrett’s anger was gone and his arms were once around me. I shoved my face into his chest, breathing in his scent, using the rhythm of his heart to soothe me.

  “Look, I’m sorry. I had a shit day and I got carried away.”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m sorry.”

  Shawn muttered something from the kitchen. I heard his footsteps hurrying away and then my front door opening and closing. I’d have to talk to him later, thank him for cleaning up and listening to my and Garrett’s first fight. The thought caused me to crack a tiny smile.

  “We should note the date.”

  “What?”

  “Our first fight!” I said. “That’s note-worthy.”

  Garrett snorted. “Who the fuck keeps track of their fights?”

  “I don’t know. People.”

  “No. Morons.”

  I laughed, but the air was still prickling with unease from our unsolved issue.

  “Look, Kai,” he started, “in the next day or so, I really need to go back to Rickston and see my family.”

  I nodded.

  “I was going to ask you to come with me.” He flashed an obviously forced grin. “Me coming out would be like ripping off a Band-Aid if I brought along my first boyfriend.”

  “That’s not nice, to spring me on your family.”

  “So what do you want to do?”

  Stepping outside that door and traveling several towns over to meet Garrett’s family, who I really, really wanted to impress, made me want to hurl. I was so not prepared for that. I was barely over Garrett showing up at my door.

  “I’m not ready to go home with you yet.”

  I braced for some sort of sigh of disappointment, something to make me feel even shittier, but Garrett didn’t seem surprised.

  “I get it. One step at a time. And you’re right. They should hear my news before I show up with you.”

  “That’s probably a good plan.”

  The tension lingered like rubble that hadn’t been swept away following an explosion, which was pretty much what had happened. Despite my joking, our conversation had gone south so fast that I was still reeling from the force of my own anger and the way he’d come back at me. And of course, Garrett didn’t leave it a
lone. I could tell he was the type of person who needed to talk about conflicts rather than let them die.

  “Why’d you get so angry?”

  “You didn’t have a conversation with me about any of this,” I said. “I had no idea you might be working further away.”

  Garrett ran both hands through his hair once again, but this time he clenched his fingers in the thick mass. “Right. I know. It came up today at the interview, and I didn’t want to worry you by bringing it up. It was why I was so pissed off when I came back. But there are other places out there. It’s not definite.”

  I clung to the part about it not being definite. “I shouldn’t have gotten so angry.” I ran a finger down a scratch mark I’d carved in his bicep. Not a sex scratch either. It’d come from my attempt to escape his grasp. “Oops.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” Despite the words, Garrett didn’t exactly seem at ease. “I’m sorry for springing it on you. And I’m sorry for being so fucking overprotective. I can’t help it sometimes. I’m the same way with my fam, so it’s not…I’m not trying to treat you like a child. This is just how I get. I hate to keep coming back to what happened in high school, but ever since then I’ve been paranoid about…strangers and people in general. I worry constantly. But that shit is over now. I’ll be better.”

  The words were reassuring, but I couldn’t regain a sense of calm. The outside world had invaded my apartment. It was like Shawn opening the door and bringing up Travis, and everything else, had let in poison that was now seeping everywhere, and infecting what had been pure happiness.

  Garrett felt it too. I could tell by his preoccupation as we watched TV, the way he stared at the ceiling when he lay in bed that night, the scowl on his face, and how his fingers clenched and unclenched on his chest.

  He was leaving soon. Leaving me. When he wasn’t here, surrounded by me and drugged by sex, maybe he’d realize I wasn’t worth the hassle. Maybe he wouldn’t come back at all.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Garrett

  The drive back to Rickston was trash.

  Philly wasn’t a complete gem of a city, but there was something about Rickston that sucked the light right out of my soul. It was small and dreary. That wasn’t enough to bring me down in and of itself, but everyone I’d grown up with had either joined the service, scattered, or was stuck in the grind of dead-end jobs that didn’t take them above the poverty line. Or were unemployed like Kevin and his brother-in-law.

  Going home was not fun, but I did it because my mother would never leave and my sister hadn’t found an escape just yet. Even if I moved out of the area to find a job, I’d always be connected to this goddamn town. It was a hard reality. Yet it was a thankful distraction from what had happened with Kai.

  Memories of my actions during the past two days settled in my gut like stones. I’d made one mistake after the other, and had found myself not knowing how to handle his reactions. I’d let my paranoia about some homophobe hurting Kai, or some obsessive freak on the Internet getting off on him, turn me into a possessive jerk not once but twice. With distance from the argument, I knew I’d overreacted, but even that knowledge didn’t dampen my desire to put my fist in that Travis clown’s face.

  Fuck.

  When would I learn? My sister had been telling me for years that I needed to back off and let people make their own choices, and their own mistakes, but it didn’t feel as easy as she’d always made it sound. Kai was vulnerable in so many ways, and I couldn’t deny that I wanted to protect him—from the asshole lurking outside his door and the people who watched his every move online. He was a grown man, a successful adult, but now that I knew more about his life…it only triggered my overprotective compulsions.

  Why was nothing ever easy?

  The Bronco made a groaning noise when I pulled to a stop in front of my mom’s house. It likely wouldn’t make it for another few months, especially since they’d let it rot in the garage unmoving for my entire deployment. Not that I blamed them. It was a death trap and I was the only one who could coax it into good behavior

  “Garrett!”

  Shading my eyes, I looked up to see Nicole waving at me from her window. She was half-hanging out of it.

  “You’re going to fall, and I’m not gonna catch you.”

  “I got this.” Nicole leaned out even farther. “Mom’s dude is inside so try not to scare the shit out of him.”

  “Oh just fucking great.”

  “I’m serious, Garrett Reid. Do not be a dick.”

  That warning seemed to be the theme of the week.

  Nicole disappeared into the house, and I stood in front of the porch with my fingers digging into the strap of my backpack. I’d been in the house for a grand total of two hours before I’d sped across the state to find Kai in Philly, and the guilt was starting to hit me. It’d been my mom and Nicole who’d called me every week on Skype, and who’d sent me care packages for years during my various deployments. But I’d dropped them in a hot minute at the idea of seeing Kai, and now I’d potentially have to leave him too.

  My stomach soured.

  Heavy steps took me up the creaking stairs and slow motions got me through the door. I heard my mother’s voice emanating from the kitchen and the lower rumble of a man’s intonations. Following the sound, I decided to get this shit over with and meet the guy who’d pursued my mom via a dating website.

  “Garrett!” My mother jumped to her feet with a smile that managed to be seventy-five percent thrilled and twenty-five percent threatening. I knew she’d be pissed about my disappearing act. “Nice of you to remember that you have a family.”

  “Oh geez, Pauline.” The dude who’d been sitting at the table got to his feet with a low groan. Between his salt-and-pepper hair, paunch, and overly starched gray suit, he reminded me of a used car salesman. Not exactly a stunner, but he had a friendly smile and didn’t ooze the scent of douchebag. “Nice to meet you, Garrett. I’m Richard. Your mother told me a lot about you.”

  A retort nearly leapt off my tongue before I reminded myself to cut the shit. Making the same mistake with multiple people in the span of a week was going to ensure I had the word asshole engraved on my tomb.

  “Likewise,” I managed.

  My mother’s eyebrows flew up. She likely thought I was a pod person. Richard, on the other hand, beamed.

  We shot the shit for a few minutes while my mother made me Hamburger Helper. She always made a big deal about wanting to make me a “real meal,” but I’d grown up on Hamburger Helper and it was my one true comfort food craving when I was overseas. Richard helped himself to a bowl, and I figured that made him a potentially all right human.

  When he was gone, Nicole took his place at the table and cleaned out the pot.

  “Verdict?”

  I shrugged. “He may not be a serial killer.”

  Nicole gripped her heart while my mother threw her arms up as if praising Jesus.

  “It’s because he ate the Hamburger Helper isn’t it?” Nicole asked.

  “No. I’m just trying to do this new thing where I don’t let my paranoid shit turn me into an overbearing jackass.”

  “Wow.” Nicole licked her spoon. “Who are you?”

  Our mother pulled up a chair and leaned in to study me. “Are you seeing someone?”

  “Ah…about that.” I’d prepared a speech days ago, but I couldn’t remember it following the shitshow that had just occurred in Philly. “I am sort of seeing someone I met online while deployed.”

  “Online?” Nicole cackled and slapped the table. “After all of your shit talk about Ma meeting Dick on OKCupid?”

  “Don’t call him Dick,” Mom said. “He hates it.”

  Nicole smirked. “Don’t deny this is hilarious, Ma. It’s gold.”

  “I don’t find it funny. You know why your brother is leery of the Internet.” The words sobered Nicole, and our mother went on. “But it is a surprise.”

  “Yeah, more of one than you think.” I blew out
another breath and rolled my eyes up to the ceiling. How to be delicate? “Look, I’m gay, okay? It’s a dude. I met a dude while playing a videogame, and now we’re together.”

  I kept staring at the ceiling as they watched me. There was complete silence. I could hear a horn honking down the street and the neighbors screaming at each other next door. Apparently Jeremiah kept forgetting to take out the garbage and the dogs had torn the bag open. Serious shit.

  “Garrett, I’m not your father.” Mom’s voice was soft. “Didn’t you see the pictures of Nicole and I at the marriage equality celebrations? It was all over Facebook.”

  Someone grabbed my hand. A peek away from the ceiling showed me it was Nicole. She was grinning so widely it had to be false, whereas my mother just looked kind of peeved that I wasn’t up to date with her Facebook.

  “We always figured it was possible you weren’t straight,” Nicole admitted. “You had zero interest in girls even though they had all of the interest in you.”

  “Oh.” That was fucking anticlimactic. “Well, that’s what’s going on with me.”

  “Tell us about the boy,” mom demanded. “He’s a video gamer?”

  “He’s a gaymer!” Nicole crowed.

  “Wow.” I shook my head. “He’s…” I couldn’t believe this conversation was happening this easily. I’d expected tears and a random proclamation about religion despite none of us having ever gone to church. “Are you seriously cool with this? I expected you to say I’m a sinner or complain about no grandchildren.”

  Mom sneered. “I resent that you expected your only mother to be a bigot—”

  “Oh fuck, just keep talking about the guy. Don’t get her started,” Nicole advised.

  “Fine. Shit.” I shifted in the chair, squirming under their scrutiny. I’d survived IED explosions on patrols before my mechanic abilities had primarily kept me on the base, but a serious stare from a Reid woman had me sweating. “He killed me on a video game so I stalked him to his social media, found his stream channel, and ended up messaging him. The rest is history and whatever. We really like each other.”